How Can I Avoid a Traumatic Divorce for My Children?
Divorce is not easy on any family member, especially children who now must split their time between parents that live in two different places. However, a divorce does not have to be traumatic for the children. There are ways to properly transition into your new life after divorce that can be peaceful and healthy.
Maintain a Routine
Children thrive when life is stable and predictable. Even if your family is divided between two households, there are ways to keep a familiar routine. If your ex-spouse agrees, construct a basic schedule for both homes where homework, meals, and bedtimes are consistent every day.
It also helps to keep the rules the same in each household. When one parent is more lenient with curfew and other boundaries, it opens the door for children to favor one parent. Shared family rules show children you are still a parenting team, even if you are no longer a couple.
Speak Well About Your Ex-Spouse
If your marriage and divorce were particularly acrimonious, this might be tough to achieve, but it is still very important. Refrain from venting your personal feelings about your ex-spouse to your children. Speaking ill only creates ambivalence and makes them question their own feelings about their parents. Children need the freedom to enjoy their own relationships with each parent without them being overshadowed by your marital problems.
Do Not Look Back
To encourage healing, try to stop focusing on the past and what went wrong. If there were good times in the past, remember them, but do not get bogged down in your anger and resentment. Those negative emotions will trickle down to your children and make it harder for them to move forward. Focus on the positives and be a good role model for your children.
Resist the Urge to Pry
No matter how curious you may be, try not to ask the children for details about your ex-spouse and who they are dating. Hearing they have moved on can be painful. There are concerns about having a new adult around your children, but guidelines for visitation and other details are matters best left to parents and lawyers that practice family law.
Be Open to Compromise
Many divorced parents make the mistake of being inflexible about visitation and other arrangements just to spite their ex-spouse. If your ex-spouse makes a reasonable request regarding holidays, vacations, and other special circumstances, consider accommodating them if it is good for the children. You can model for your children on how to resolve conflict peacefully with patience and compromise.
If you and your ex-spouse have tried to ensure a smooth transition for your children, but they still seem to be struggling with the divorce, consider family therapy for objective support and guidance to navigate this new chapter of life.
Bucks County Divorce Lawyers at Freedman & Lorry, P.C. Help Clients Avoid Conflict with Mediation
If you are considering divorce but have questions about the process, speak with one of our experienced Bucks County divorce lawyers at Freedman & Lorry, P.C. today. Our lawyers will work hard to settle your divorce peacefully while meeting your parenting and financial needs and goals. To schedule a free consultation, contact us online or call us at 888-999-1962. Located in Philadelphia, Cherry Hill, New Jersey, and Pinehurst, North Carolina, we serve clients throughout Pennsylvania.